I live in Marakiwal, Sialkot. I am now 50 years old. I joined the army when I was 19 years old and served for seven years. I loved being in the army. I got a lot of respect during this time. I played all types of sports for the army, including gymnastics and football. I used to be called ‘cheetah’ and ‘ironman’ by those in my unit. During my time there, I received awards for best artist and sportsman. One of the many passions I have is singing. I sing many different types of classical songs. I used to sing in the church choir and also professionally.

I had gone back to Sialkot on holiday to meet my family. I was waiting at the bus stop to go to Cantt. I got a lift and they dropped me to my destination. At the drop off, there was an incident involving five people. During the interrogation, someone mentioned that six people were originally in the car, me being the sixth person. That’s how I got dragged into this case.
It felt like I had been dragged to hell. The police came to my house and claimed I was involved. The accused were charged with dacoity and murder. The deceased was an army general’s cousin, which meant that there was pressure from him and made the complainant a strong party.

When the police arrested me, they beat me up because I am Christian. My arrest was not recorded for two days. I was beaten into admitting guilt. Only God could have saved me then. The police wanted to ‘get rid of us’ through a police ‘encounter’ but the DIG refused and had us remanded.

After a month on remand, the trial started in April 1997. The case was first sent to the sessions court in Sialkot and was then transferred to and tried by the Anti-Terrorism Court in Gujranwala after three months. The complainant party put pressure to make this a terrorism case even though we had no weapons on us. We did not get bail. I had a state-appointed lawyer because my family could not afford private legal help. I was the only one. Everyone else got their private lawyers.
The trial took six months to complete. I, along with two other people, was given the death penalty and three others were handed life imprisonment. I received a copy of the judgement and read it too.

An appeal was filled in 1997. By the time the appeal was taken up, I had spent six years in prison with five and a half of them on death row. The appeal was heard by a bench of four judges in the Lahore High Court. A lawyer was appointed for me by the state. I never met the lawyer nor was I allowed to go to the high court for my appeal. My lawyer never visited me in jail. I only knew about the lawyer because I received a paper stating that he was my legal counsel. My sentence was converted to life imprisonment and further imprisonment on non-payment of fines. I had someone read the high court judgement to me as it was in English and I can’t read it. I wished it was in Urdu so that I could read it.

The first night in prison was called “hell on Earth”. I could not sleep the entire night. People have lost their minds during their first night. They resort to taking narcotics to help them sleep. Some people take powder (heroin). I did not take narcotics because I knew if I did it would have killed me. The first three days inside jail, I mentally prepared myself for my time in prison. When I used to look at the high walls of the prison, I used to wonder how I could spend so much time behind them. But then I got used to the walls.

I used to be called ustaad¹ in jail because everyone in jail loved me. I used to keep everything clean. While in jail I was in charge of the prison church. In the church we had a choir which I was very fond of. I would also sing at important events in prison, particularly the national anthem, and at non-Christian congregations during Muharram². I spent six years in District Jail, Sialkot and the rest were spent in Kot Lakhpat Jail, Lahore. When I went to the jail in Sialkot, where 50 convicted and 200 under-trial prisoners were Christian, there was no church for us. A lawyer and a prisoner, started advocating with the prison officials for a church and was eventually successful. We then slept inside the church.
In Kot Lakhpat jail, there were 100 to 150 convicted and about 500 to 600 Christian prisoners awaiting for their trial. The church there was in a deplorable state and people would litter there. We started a fund to aid in the development of the church to which Muslims also contributed. We gathered enough money from the fund to rehabilitate the church and make it look beautiful.

I felt I came closer to God during my time in prison and felt that He was looking out for me. God has improved my spiritual life and has kept me away from evil. In prison, there were people who practiced black magic. They would stay away from me because to them I did not seem human because I was so pure. I am said to have noor³.

I would spend my mornings cleaning and maintaining the church. We would sing to pass the time till lunch. We were given coal and a coal burning cooker to cook food. We would also add tadka¹ to our food to give it more flavour.

At about 4.30 pm we would start getting locked in our rooms. While on death row in Sialkot jail, we would get half an hour in the morning as recreation time, but we were handcuffed. Every evening we would have to change our cell.

During my time in prison, there were a few positives. For example, outside prison there would only be one type of food available at home at dinner time, but in jail we had seven because other prisoners would make food and we used to share it with each other. Apart from the flu, I never got sick when I was there.

I learnt about herbal medication during my incarceration. In the evening I would teach sports to the other inmates. I used to get sports equipment donated to us; the jail administration did not provide us with any. I used to work in the carpet factory inside the jail. Many people would get tuberculosis from the dust from the carpet making process and we would not be paid but we still had to work. We would get trained on how to make carpets for 15 days. I became the “mapper” so I would instruct the others on the patterns, colours and designs of the carpets.

Only my father would visit me during my time in prison and he would do so as an obligation. I did not ask my family for anything. My family sold my half of the property and wasted it on themselves while I was in prison. They don’t particularly care about me.

I completed my sentence in 2014, the 18th year of my sentence. I then served a sentence for not being able to pay the fine. I had to spend three years in prison due to a default on the payment. The imprisonment because of defaulting on my fines was the hardest. It was a harsh reminder that I was poor.

One day I was called to the office. There were people sitting there waiting for me. I asked them who they were but they did not tell me. I think they were angels. They said they were going to pay my fine and that I should get ready to leave prison. I rushed to the church and prayed. While I was there someone came up to me. I told him about what had happened and he went and told everyone. People started coming up to me and I received presents from people including new clothes and shoes. I packed my things and went to the angels. They insisted on dropping me wherever I chose in Lahore or would give me money for a ticket but I declined.

I don’t know what to do with my life. The problems I have now are worse than the problems I had in prison.

I was frightened when I came out of prison because so much changed during my time in incarceration. I don’t really consider myself to be alive; it seems like I am just waiting for death to come. Many people stay away from me because I was imprisoned, but after two years their opinion has changed.

Pakistan should abolish the death penalty just because life imprisonment itself is so brutal and destroys a person. There should be some sort of scheme to aid freshly released prisoners restart their life.