I WAS BORN in 1979 to a loving family and had a happy childhood. We all lived a humble life. 18th July 2001 was just an ordinary day until the murder took place. To date, I still don’t know all the details of that fateful day. In total, five people – including myself – were accused of having illicit relations with a woman and killing her husband, who, as a landlord, was a powerful person. The trial lasted two and a half years. Another defendant and I were sentenced to death; two others were punished with life imprisonment.

When I was in jail, I knew that this would be a waste of my time, so I thought I might as well do something.During this time, I decided I should better myself and complete my education. I started by learning the Quran, then I finished my schooling. I completed my matriculation and intermediate (equivalent to high school). I then completed my undergraduate degree and started my Master of Arts in Islamic Studies, which I am hoping to complete soon. I taught myself calligraphy and still practice it to this day. I also started writing poetry. These hobbies provided some solace and hope. I could not allow myself to have feelings while I was inside. I needed a heart of steel to be able to survive in jail on death row.

Being on death row made me truly understand the concept of death. During my incarceration I witnessed about 50 executions.It’s an experience that changes you forever.

I used to pray five times a day in my death cell. I knew I would be spending a lot of time there, so I had to be patient. I would eat when it was time. I would get to walk as well, but only within the block of death cells, which was about 40 feet square. I had to spend 22 hours per day in my cell. Khawar, a co-accused, died while in confinement. He had a heart attack in the winter. It had a lot to do with jail negligence and the failure to treat him. I got hepatitis while I was confined but, thankfully, I recovered. I became a religious teacher while incarcerated, so I was called teacher (ustaad). Thanks to my neat handwriting and my unwillingness to be corrupted – I could have easily been paid more than PKR 5000 – I was soon entrusted with the role of office clerk (munshi). My family was very proud of me for this. They would send blankets for the other prisoners in the winter.

During my time in prison there were two riots. The first one occurred in 2001 when I was in court for my hearing. A rebellion broke out because the prisoners suffered injustice: the guards would loot food and money from them. Hence, the detainees started a protest but were soon suppressed. One of them, Bashir, was tragically tortured to death for this act of rebellion. News of this only intensified the revolt. The prisoners started breaking the locks of the jail. The guards then proceeded to a lathi (in Urdu: baton, stick) charge, leading to more deaths. The situation eventually reached a tipping point and the jail administration had to get involved. A compromise was reached between the jail administration and the prisoners, who took an oath. A few guards were fired. This infuriated the rest of them.

So, at night, they would open up the lock and grab a person from one of the barracks and beat him up with their lathi. They did not care about the broken bones and other injuries the prisoner suffered.

By the time my case reached the High Court, I had spent six and a half years in a death cell and a total of eight and a half years in confinement. The High Court commuted my sentence to life imprisonment. I knew I was innocent and wanted to fight, so I filed an appeal with the Supreme Court.
Given that I am out of prison now, I am not hopeful that my case will be taken up soon. To date, my appeal with the Supreme Court has been pending for nine years.
I applied for my sentence being suspended and my being released on bail, just like the co-accused in the case before me. I won the appeal. My brother called the very same day to tell me I’d been granted bail. I told him to bring food for 60 people. I wanted to celebrate my release with my friends in prison. I was so happy when I heard the news that I felt like I was levitating two feet above the ground. Upon learning of my release, the jail administration ordered that I be released immediately. Everyone was so happy for me, including the jail administration. They announced my release over the loudspeaker and ordered that I should not be stopped in meeting anyone. I was greeted by many prisoners and jail officials. Everyone came up to the main gate of the jail to see me off. As per the rules, the main gate is only opened for high-ranking officials. However, they made an exception for me because of my good behaviour in prison. Even the superintendent came to congratulate me. I had spent 18 years in jail. The assistant superintendent said that, in the entire duration of my incarceration, I was the only prisoner who had never violated any rule.

When I got out of jail, it felt like the air was different on the outside. I couldn’t do anything in prison without being told to. Now the freedom of being myself, of being in control of my life, was overwhelming. I cannot begin to describe life on the outside, knowing that I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. It’s the little things that matter. I used to sleep on the floor and now I sleep on my charpai. I can’t wait for winter so that I can be cosy and warm under my duvet; it’s a feeling that I have not experienced since my incarceration.

Readjusting to life has been difficult. Most people around me are scared of me because I was in prison for murder. They don’t understand what I have been through or what happened. They continue to believe that I am a murderer.

This entire case has ruined my life. I spent 18 years in jail. It took away my best years.

I have had to rebuild my life and it’s been very difficult. I was angry and resentful. I wanted revenge on those who had wronged me. My father and other close relatives died while I was in prison. But my brother gave me strength and I promised him that I would try and make peace with everything that happened. I want to get married but, in order for me to do so, I need to build an extension to the house. I also need to find a job before I can think about marriage. Jobs prospects for me aren’t promising given my jail time.
Our legal system is in dire need of change. It has been incarcerating innocent people for too long; it’s ruining people’s lives.